Grace Upon Grace: Lessons Learned in 2017

Happy 2018 loves!
I don't know about you, but I am huge on taking time to reflect on the past year, as well as setting goals and resolutions for the coming year. There is something so refreshing about seeing God's grace and kindness in the victories and movement over a calendar year, while being sobered at the reality that the next year requires determination, reliance and purpose in order to be fruitful.

Back in 2011, I started taking time on New Years Day to write out my recap from the previous year, and lay out my goals and desires for the year ahead. Its been a short and concise way to keep track of all the milestones that have happened as time moves forward.

Looking back at  2017, I don't know how to sum it up other than the cliche saying that it was "one for the books." In April we bought our first home, and much of our year revolved around that new reality. We moved in with Ian's parents for 8 months, found out we were expecting our second baby, and completed some huge projects and renovations on our house. Although all these things are wonderful, it was not without hardship and a major learning curve. For all our marriage, Ian has worked long shifts, but to balance that, he gets good chunks of time off. When we bought the house, all of Ian's days off went to working on the house. We were stretched to live without the privacy of our own home, and find ways to communicate and grow in love even while living with less time, less sleep, and less energy.

To say it plainly, the first few weeks of living like this were marked by lots of tears, fatigue and confusion. At times, it felt like Ian and I couldn't get on the same page, and we would come together at the end of the day with our wells of energy and emotion completely empty. One Sunday on the way home from church, we set out to talk through how to make this season work. I remember it so vividly, but after sharing what challenges, frustrations and hurts we were having with this new transition, and feeling like things would just be this way until we were back in our own space, Ian turned to me in the car and said so simply "I think we just need to show each other more grace." What a simple, yet wholly true statement.

 Up until this point in our relationship when one of us would be working 110%, the other could come alongside and help. But what happens when you both start giving 110 percent? In weakness and exhaustion we had to learn to give when we had nothing left of our own to give. To show kindness, and offer help by God's grace alone. I definitely do not do this perfectly, but I am learning not to be an expectant wife. To hold my plans, feelings and even energy level with an open hand, believing that God will give me strength to live in kindness, wisdom and love, even if my immediate need is not met the way I think it should be.

It would have been so easy to look at the situation at hand and say "this is just going to be hard, but things will get better when we are through this season." Although some things have gotten easier since moving into our house, I really caution anyone against taking this perspective. Life and circumstances will always be changing, and neglecting to take a situation head on can lead to even more struggles later on. Dear friend, do not turn a blind eye to hard lessons waiting for you in your current situation, but instead seek to learn everything you can from them. I preached Galatians 6:9 to myself so often in this season. I love the reminder that says "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." 

Taking this perspective helped us SO much, and something I didn't expect happened. Not only did we get on the same page, but Ian and I grew closer and our relationship thrived in ways it hadn't before. By Gods grace this new pressure grew us leaps and bounds in our communication. We had conversations that helped us forge a more clear vision for our growing family, and set down desires for what we want and need to teach our children as they grow, both in word and deed. I know life with two little ones while working on a house will be a blur, and kind of crazy, but I really feel a sense of peace moving into these new challenges. Not because I have "arrived" or I know how every day ahead will go, but because I have seen God's faithfulness so tangibly these past few months. I am so comforted by the truth of his promises, and how he has fulfilled them to Ian and I. We have found a refuge in hard times, and hr has been faithful to grow us through each new stage that has come.

So looking ahead to 2018, I am eager to continue to learn to live a life that pours out grace and kindness to my family and all those around. Obviously my most prominent goal is to bring this baby girl earthside, and adjust to life life as a mom of two, and as a family of four. I also have set some fun goals for myself like landscaping our backyard and dabbling into beekeeping! I would love to hear your goals and hopes for 2018 - because after all, we are all in this together. No matter what happens in these next 365 days, I hope we can all remember that there is grace upon grace available to us for every moment. And that alone is a reason to say Happy New Year!

xo, B

Three Years of "Yes!"

Today marks three years since Ian asked me to marry him, and it has been the best yes I've ever said. It's one thing to say "yes! I will marry you!" But it is a whole different thing to say yes day in and day out - faithfully keeping vows and love alive as we navigate life together. I am so thankful Ian chose me and has faithfully loved and cherished our relationship from day one. In honor of our "engagaversary" I wanted to share a little snippet of how he proposed, as well as some of my favorite photos we took just months before we became man and wife.  Side Note: We did two engagement sessions - the first photos are from Emily Magers who photographed our wedding..she is the absolute best and you should hire her; the second photos are from Beckie Woodfield, she currently is living in New Zeland, but she is a sweetheart and we LOVED using these to announce our engagement. Hope you enjoy :)!

What I'm Reading Wednesday: Resolving Everyday Conflift

"Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping others will die."
I posted this quote a few weeks ago and got so many questions asking where it was from that I decided to do a book review for this little gem I recently finished reading.

Taking Your Husband For Granted

The past few weeks, Ian worked more days in a row then he has since I can remember. Eleven out of thirteen days to be exact. The time goes by fast, but each time we have a new schedule that stretches us both, I find that the Lord uses this season to teach us new things about him and expose my sin in a way that I wouldn't have seen in day to day "normal" life.

What I'm Reading: What's It Like To Be Married To Me?

I am excited to start a new "series" on my blog called "What I'm Reading." I worked for a bookstore for several years, and have always enjoyed reading all kinds of literature from fiction to medical textbooks and journals. I frequently get asked for recommendations and wanted to share some here on my blog. 

The first book I want to feature is one I read last year entitled What's It Like to be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions, written by author Linda Dillow. I try to read one book on the topic of marriage each year, and this was the one I selected for 2016. I see reading a book like this as taking time to 'tune up' my marriage, and learn from another woman who has had more life experience than I have. I find that even though some lessons aren't directly applicable in my current season on life, keeping them tucked away in the corners of my mind comes in handy when new circumstances roll around. 

Lessons I've Learned | My Second Year of Marriage

Just over a year ago I was writing a very similar anniversary post as this one. I went to reread my post from last year and can already see how this past year of marriage was so very different from our first. 

Our last anniversary was sprung on us, and it felt like we had just gotten married. This year it feels as though so much has happened, it seems odd that it's only been a year since our last celebration. I love taking some time to think back over each year of marriage with the goal of continuing to practice the things we learned together, as well as have a purposeful heart toward our upcoming year and beyond. Oh, and I will never turn down an excuse to look at our wedding photos again ;). If you are in need of a wedding photographer, hiring Emily was our favorite decision we made in planning our wedding and we could not recommend her more highly.

Marriage, Motherhood, and Fear

Ian's at work; Logan is asleep; and I'm here feeling all the feelings after such a great week with these two. 

When I was pregnant, I was nervous about how my marriage would be post baby. I was seriously worried Ian would love the baby more than me, and scared our relationship wouldn't be as close. I'm so thankful that what came to be was WAY better than I could have expected. My relationship with Ian has grown new roots because of learning to parent together, and all that comes with that, while the roots we had planted already have gone deeper than if this season had not come to be. I remember him holding my hair back during countless rounds of morning sickness; coming to every doctor appointment possible; holding Logan skin to skin for the first hours of his life while I was unconscious and being stitched up from my c-section. Him helping me walk for the first time after having Logan, and laying flat for 24 hours; staying up with a very gassy, fussy newborn; and now laughing together as we see Logan start to sing and dance; watching him stand - exploring new things and talents.  On the other side is us trying to support Ian during busy shifts and overtime. It's hard having a husband who works long hours, but it's worth it. I would gladly take ten minutes a day with Ian than a lifetime without him. For several months Ian worked four days in a row with three day weekends. It sounds luxurious, but it was tough for both of us. Weekdays of work filled with overtime and over-tiredness, while weekends were usually packed with church/family/friends, leaving less time for us to "do us". 

Now that we are back to our preferred schedule, I am thankful that the Lord has given us these ups and downs to make us rely on Him and teach us flexibility. I loved our "just us" season of marriage, and thought we would have to sacrifice part of that when a baby came along. This new season as a family of three has taught us to be flexible, which has made us stronger than an unlimited honeymoon phase could have brought about. I am continually reminded of the fact that times which stretch, test and twist us bring about the greatest growth and reward. As much as I would love to, I can not gain full sanctification by reading books and watching others. It comes through walking and living. Even though I long for a stable season of rest, each day scripture reminds me "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Being on the flip side of  these fears has encouraged my heart to rest and wait for the Lord to bring each season to its full end, rather than be consumed with fear or worry 

We must take our fears, reservations and comfort zones, and surrender them to the Lord who weaves the tapestry of our lives together seamlessly and with infinite knowledge.  To my friends who are tired of being stretched thin by a job; to my friends who are burnt out of waiting to be married; to  my mom friends who are low on sleep and patience. God has grace for you. abundant grace. He is stretching and molding you. Instead of focusing on where you are being stretched thin, look to the one who has an endless supply of grace for your weakest moments, and gives freely to supply all our weaknesses.

I am constantly encouraged by the truth of James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." Cry out to God and he will give you abundantly the wisdom needed to navigate each and every season, no matter how trying it may be.

XO.B

Focus For a New Year

Happy 2017 friends! I hope you had a wonderful year and enjoyed a cozy holiday season with friends and family :). Even though it is already January 3rd, I wanted to share some goals for this year, that I hope encourage us all to "grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ" together.

I am a HUGE New Years Resolution person. The first new year after I came to know the Lord, I started writing a "yearly review" for myself. I wrote on two sides of a 5"x 7" card stock notecard. First I would write a "looking back" section, noting all the things I had been able to partake in and accomplish. On the other side I would do a "looking forward" section. I would make a small list of practical things I hope to accomplish, a theme verse for that year, and spiritual goals- areas I see lacking and want to pursue as I run the race of Christ. 

I have always toyed with the idea of having a word for the year, but it never seemed to gel for me, so I opted for a verse instead. This December as I anticipated doing my yearly review, I knew I wanted to have a word this year. Something to streamline my focus that would apply to all areas of my life. No sooner did this cross my mind, than I knew what word it would have to be. My heart sunk a little bit because this word is something that doesn't come easy to me, and I know it will push me outside of my comfort zone. The memory\that led me to choose this word, is from a little something that happened this fall when I was reading the forethought to the book Spiritual Maturity by J. Oswald Sanders.

  

I cracked open the spine, and saw an impressive list of chapters, each of their headings were character traits and lessons I longed and needed to learn. I read the first paragraph of the forethought (written by the books editors), and that's when I read something I did not like. It stated " This is not a  "how-to" volume but a "be" volume." I was immediately disappointed and deflated. I literally thought to myself  "But I just want to know what to do!"  My type-a personality thrives on to-do lists and "10 ways to be more godly." But it is a whole different struggle for me to be what I do. I often get so wrapped up in what I'm doing I fail to let these things pierce my heart.  

When I pondered having a word for the year, this memory immediately flooded into my thoughts, and I knew the Lord was leading me to pursue the word BE. To be an obedient daughter, loving wife, kind mother, and faithful friend. To spend less time focusing on what I need to do to feel satisfied with each box in my life, but to pursue the heart God wants me to have that overflows with doing the right things. 1 Samuel 15:22 is such a powerful reminder in that it says"“Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." I want to obey from a heart of obedience and love for  my Savior, rather than just making a list and checking off each task that is completed. 

I pray this year I will be present not just occupy space; be loving not just give hugs and kisses; be kind, not just say words so they sound nice; by soft, not just knowing when not to say anything; be gracious not just keeping my sinful thoughts to myself. Ultimately I pray I can seek God's help to answer the question "What does the Lord call me to be in this moment?"rightly, and be content with that. This is not to say I don't want to do good works, but I know my heart behind them needs to trace back to what the Lord has called me to do and to be. The Lord gives grace when we ask and I am confident He will answer every earnest pray we make for growth this coming year.

Do you have any New Years Resolutions or goals?

XO, B

Lessons I've Learned | My First Year of Marriage

Last Tuesday Ian and I celebrated our first anniversary. I am sure everyone feels the same way, but it's crazy how fast time has gone by; it feels like just yesterday we were going out on our first date, or counting down the days until our wedding, which felt like it would never come. People said a lot of things about what we should expect during our first year of marriage. Some of their sentiments were encouraging, while others were daunting and seemed insurmountable. Below are just some things the Lord has taught me over this past year, and I am thankful for many more lessons to come. 

I. Expectations are not your (or your spouses) friend.

"The first year of marriage will be the hardest." I think everyone, everywhere has heard that phrase at one time or another. Hearing this advice while engaged, it seemed unfitting and somewhat odd. I wondered to myself, how, and why would our relationship transition from one that took work, yet brought so much joy and peace to both of us, to something we spoke of with a sense of loathing? The idea of this was something that saddened me and that I desperately didn't want to happen. Not just for the sake of being able to say I had a marriage that I enjoyed, but because I knew that this perspective  was born out of a our fallen nature, not a flaw in God's design. The truth is, that your marriage is just that, YOUR marriage. My experience is vastly different from some of my friends, and you who are reading this will have a different experience from mine. However, our mindset plays a huge role in how we approach life, and especially marriage. Expecting the first year of marriage to be extremely hard can allow us to not see strife in our relationship for what it really is, or to set aside the call of scripture to "keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins."(1 Peter 4:8). Every new season of life stretches us, but in Christ, there is nothing more precious than when our sin is exposed. This is God's grace allowing us to see our weakness and be confirmed into His image as we confess and repent. I would encourage any engaged women to head boldly into marriage with an open hand. You are entering into a relationship that the Lord designed for your joy and good, and He will see you through it. Yes, we do need to continue to "work out our salvation with fear and trembling," but that is not a curse or thing to be dreaded, but a comfort that we have a Savior who has made a way for us to be like Him.

II.  "Every word of God proves true...."

...  he is a shield to those who take refuge in him." - Proverbs 30:5. Other than salvation, marriage is the biggest life transition I have gone through (duh, right?). I remember being struck deeply with the truths contained in this verse about two months after Ian and I got married. Not only did I see the fact that God does not disappoint when He promises that marriage is the "grace of life," but He showed me how much I really needed to rely on His grace moment by moment. Making dinner 7 nights a week, or cleaning on a schedule didn't make me a good wife, but only by Gods grace could I fulfill the role of a wife by pursuing the Lord first, and then my husband.  Cling to scripture. Seek out God's words like hidden treasure, and hide it's truths in your heart. There are SO many days where I feel like I have completely failed or don't know what to do, but on thing I am sure of is that turning to the Lord, in his Word or prayer is always the right answer, and builds a foundation to build a solid life on in the future.

III. Wear Rose Colored Glasses 

A wise woman in my life once said that often we go through crushes and dating with rose colored glasses, but rip them off when we get married and become very critical of our husbands when it really should be the other way around. The notion of ever wearing rose colored glasses can seem odd, but this perspective has been so helpful for me! Please don't get me wrong, the point wasn't that we should go about with an 'ignorance is bliss' perspective, but that we should love our spouse without reservation. Dating is the ideal time to think things over critically, to examine things and seek advice to make sure we are making a wise decision. When we are married, we have the freedom to love our spouse without inhibition or boundary,  Often times, the opposite happens; We give our affection and love freely to the man we are dating, but when we get married, we become critical of many small things, and end up tearing down more than we build up. Think of your love like a hose, each day of marriage you can choose to give your spouse a few drops of love when you feel like it, or when things fit into your ideal - or you can turn it up full blast and seek to make the most of every opportunity to shower your beloved with kind words, encouragement and acts of service. As 1 Peter 4:8 says, "love covers a multitude of sins", but what it doesn't address is preferences, We often make an issue out of things that really come down to our preference not being met, which boils down to selfishness.  It may take time to learn how best to work together and communicate well, but there is a covering of safety that love extends to everyone during the process of progressive sanctification, especially your 'one flesh' partner in life. It is so easy to sleepwalk through life, and forget the calling we have to love those around us radically, and choosing to have this kind of perspective has been helpful to just remember the blessing the Lord has given me in Ian, and to be purposefully thankful for him each day.

 I am 100% aware that I am still a marriage 'noob',  and there are many lessons left to learn in this life, but I hope my sharing these thoughts will provide some encouragement for anyone reading this.

XO.

Loving Your Husband: Book Review

This week Ian and I will celebrate ten months of covenant love as husband and wife. To say that marriage is "the grace of life," as Peter puts it, is an understatement, and I truly desire to cherish and guard the gift of love and companionship  the Lord has given me in my darling Ian. 

Back in August, I went through what I would call a spiritual "valley." I felt distant from the Lord, and most days I felt a deep sense of discouragement, compounded by being very emotional. Looking back I see the root cause of this as twofold: First, I was comfortable. Comfortable with life, my routine, and most detrimental of all, my perceived "spiritual health." I had allowed to-do lists and various family events to be a priority over my time in God's word. I quickly began to look inward instead of upward for the strength I needed each day. Safe to say the Lord was very gracious and swift to remind me that this is not His will for my life and to draw me close to Him through admonishment and love. Second, I was pregnant. I didn't know it at the time, but my body was going through some major changes as I began to carry our son inside my womb. Physical weakness + spiritual weakness led me to pray one evening for the Lord to forgive my self righteous actions ( a prayer I am sure I will continue to pray time and time again until I see Christ face to face), to bring be into deep fellowship with Him and show me how to walk dependently upon Him. 

The next day I was browsing over some Bible studies for women at work and Loving Your Husband: Building an Intimate Marriage in a Fallen World by Cynthia Heald (buy it here!) caught my eye. I quickly skimmed through it, and decided to buy it. I started going through it that night and it is now a title I will recommend to all my lady friends who are married or engaged. Really, I wish I had a hundred on hand to give to anyone I know who is married, and everyone I meet who is newly engaged. It includes 12 topical Bible study lessons to deepen a women's love for her husband and gives great insight into being a wife after God's word and heart. 

The thing I loved most about this study was the deep search through God's word that I embarked upon each time I opened its' pages. The book opens with a study of dependence upon the Lord, and ends on the topic of enduring in our Christian walk and faith - which directly influence our role as a Christian wife. In between those foundational topics lay studies on: speech, respect, love, and wisdom - to name a few.  Throughout, the study follows the outline of: an in depth topical study from Scripture, heart probing questions to help you evaluate the truth being learned and apply it in your own life, questions to ask your husband, and finally some wise words from the author's life experience to encourage you in the truth that has come before. I mourned the end of the study and desperately wanted it to keep going. The Lord used this in my life to give me a deeper love and understanding of His word, strengthen my love and affection for my husband, and as a great encouragement toward godliness. I encourage you to pick up this book, sister, and have your soul refreshed by the word of the living God.

"The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul;the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether.  More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold;sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward."

P S A L M 19: 7-11

XO. B

Time Flies

Hello again! 

Well, as you can probably see, my blog has been sorely neglected for the last year or so. The past months have been the best and most full time of my short life. Below is a little update on what transpired, as well as my hopes to revive my dead blog.

MARCH 2014 - JANUARY 2016

In mid-march I started dating the love of my life, Ian :) 

I was invited to be in a tea group with 5 other girls. We meet every other month for a tea party, and share prayer requests and how the lord has been working in our lives. This group has turned into one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I am so thankful that the Lord brought us together. Plus, who ever turned down tea and scones? Exactly. We started meeting in Early March and continue to do so to this day :)

In October, Ian and I got engaged and started planning our wedding! 

...which means we got to take engagement pictures! It was amazing and I am thankful that we have these images to look over for many years to come. 

(above photo by the amazing Emily Magers )

(above photo by the wonderful Beckie Woodfield )

One of my dearest friends welcomed her first baby into the world! She was radiant throughout her whole pregnancy, and still is a beam of bright joy every day :)

In December, I had the privilege of standing beside one of my dear friends, as she married the love of her life! The older I get, the more I realize the honor it is to be part of someones wedding day.

In January, we got Disneyland passes and have thoroughly enjoyed them. It was part of Ian's wedding gift to me, and has given us lots of fun memories for our first year of marriage.

March 22, 2015:

 Ian and I exchanged vows and became husband and wife. It was the best and most blissful day of my life. Again, thanks to the incredible Emily Magers for all of these dreamy photos. If you are getting married - hire her!

From there we honeymooned in a secluded cabin in Montana, and took a long road trip down the Pacific Northwest Coast.

Last, but not least, on September 1, 2015 we found out that we were expecting a little baby! We are over the moon to be given this precious gift and can not wait to meet our son this coming May. The picture on the left is the day we found out we were expecting, and the right is me at 5 months pregnant :)

That is a bit of what the Lord has brought my way these past months!  Each new transition and season has been a great blessing from above, and used by my heavenly Father to deepen my knowledge of Him and transform me into His image.

 I started this blog with a heart to share truths the Lord has been showing me, practical life stories, and hopefully bring some kind of encouragement to anyone who would take time to read! That is still my heart and I look forward to what the Lord has in these upcoming months.

XO, B