Just over a year ago I was writing a very similar anniversary post as this one. I went to reread my post from last year and can already see how this past year of marriage was so very different from our first.
Our last anniversary was sprung on us, and it felt like we had just gotten married. This year it feels as though so much has happened, it seems odd that it's only been a year since our last celebration. I love taking some time to think back over each year of marriage with the goal of continuing to practice the things we learned together, as well as have a purposeful heart toward our upcoming year and beyond. Oh, and I will never turn down an excuse to look at our wedding photos again ;). If you are in need of a wedding photographer, hiring Emily was our favorite decision we made in planning our wedding and we could not recommend her more highly.
I try to read at least one book on marriage each year, and this year I chose Linda Dillow's What's It Like to be Married To Me? In one of the last chapters she writes " God gives us anniversaries as milestones, significant points in the passing of time, specific, yet mute reminders thatmore sand has passed through the hourglass. He builds them into our calendar once every year to enable us to make an annual appraisal - not of the length of time we have been married, but the depth of our intimacy. Not just to remind us we've been married longer but to help us determine if we are married deeper." I love this quote because as much as I can't wait to see what our lives are like after 5, 10, or 50 years together, those things aren't necessarily the sole marker of success in marriage. Loving deeply, intimately and well are what produce a lasting bond in marriage, and can be achieved each day we are given with our spouse, giving way to wonderful years of companionship in marriage. In this year of marriage the top three lessons I'm taking with me are:
I. Marriage isn't over when you have a baby.
Our world today often makes it seem like when children enter the picture of a relationship, its all downhill from there. Sadly, this is a lie and I think so many people delay what will be the best years of their lives, because they fear this is true. Don't get me wrong, going on dates, traveling freely and sleeping in with your love are all wonderful things that should be enjoyed and cherished. However, these things are not the foundation or the prerequisite for a good marriage. It is so easy to look at external factors and think these things determine whether you have a good marriage or not. We all vow our undying love, support, loyalty and effort to our spouse, and really, these things grow deep roots when real life happens. On weeks where there have been lots of tears and yawns; when you wake up just enough to roll over to cuddle your spouse just coming to bed; when you spend hours trying to figure out "why won't this baby stop crying!" This is real life, and this is how we were meant to live. Only recently did we have such an abundance of luxury that we can work, shop, pay bills, and research everything from our phones. For almost all of history couples have clung to each other as life ebbs and flows, not in weekly date nights and week long vacations each year. I LOVE date night as much as the next person, but that is only one side to the story of how my relationship with Ian grows. It grows in supporting one another as we figure out how life works as a family of three. It grows when we tag team projects and things around the house; It grows over the dinner table as we enjoy a simple home cooked meal together with Logan; and it grows when we spend the whole day together sans baby and get to enjoy simple things like taking a long time at the grocery store or playing music really, really loud in the car. Some of my most treasured memories with Ian lie in the first weeks of being parents. We laughed so hard so many times, and it all passed in a blur, but when we were out of the first weeks of parenthood, we knew we were that much closer for it.
2. The Golden Rule
A few weeks before Ian and I were engaged we listened to a sermon by a pastor at our church who said that all problems in marriage, are rooted in selfishness. This has been one piece of wisdom and truth that we have taken with us and are reminded of often. Whether I am the one acting selfishly, or reacting to a mistake in a self centered way, seeing myself as #1 is by far the greatest source of sin in my marriage, and entire life! When we miscommunicate, it's been so helpful to remind ourselves and each other of this truth, and to pray for God's grace to live humbly and selflessly in all things. I titled this lesson "the golden rule" because if we simply treated and loved one another as God loves us, and how we want to be loved, everything is peaches and cream. I am thankful for conversations where we are able to know one another on a deeper level spiritually and encourage the others heart toward godliness. The fruit of growth and grace are so much sweeter when you plant, water and tend the seeds in faith and trust in God, am I right? If I am tempted to sin it's been so helpful to have the question of "is this selfish?" at the tip of my tongue to reevaluate how I am naturally inclined to respond. Life as a Christian is following in the footsteps of our Lord who laid down his life for us. It is a difficult calling, yes; but such a blessed one all the same.
3. Seize The Day
This sounds cheesy, and echos some of the notes of #1, but the third thing that the Lord has shown me is the value of enjoying each day to the very fullest. Tomorrow is not promised, and the last thing I want to do is waste today while waiting for it. This season for us has been so busy and we spend more time apart now than we did when we were first married. By God's grace I am set on making the most of each moment and not wishing it away because my heart really longs for "more" or "better". Each moment with our spouse is a precious gift, and there is no one I would rather share the mundane and magnificent with than my husband. I would encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed with their current situation to take a step back and make a vow to themselves to look for the good in each day, and enjoy it for what it is. Some of my favorite memories with Ian involve things like flat tires in the middle of a rain storm, our roof leaking or getting stuck in snow. They also involve nights with little to no sleep, but caring for our babe together. No matter where you find yourself today, married or unmarried, God has given you beautiful things to rejoice in all around. I know for myself I often need a reminder to focus and find them, but they are always there, as is God's unending love and grace for our sin.
XO, B
2. The Golden Rule
A few weeks before Ian and I were engaged we listened to a sermon by a pastor at our church who said that all problems in marriage, are rooted in selfishness. This has been one piece of wisdom and truth that we have taken with us and are reminded of often. Whether I am the one acting selfishly, or reacting to a mistake in a self centered way, seeing myself as #1 is by far the greatest source of sin in my marriage, and entire life! When we miscommunicate, it's been so helpful to remind ourselves and each other of this truth, and to pray for God's grace to live humbly and selflessly in all things. I titled this lesson "the golden rule" because if we simply treated and loved one another as God loves us, and how we want to be loved, everything is peaches and cream. I am thankful for conversations where we are able to know one another on a deeper level spiritually and encourage the others heart toward godliness. The fruit of growth and grace are so much sweeter when you plant, water and tend the seeds in faith and trust in God, am I right? If I am tempted to sin it's been so helpful to have the question of "is this selfish?" at the tip of my tongue to reevaluate how I am naturally inclined to respond. Life as a Christian is following in the footsteps of our Lord who laid down his life for us. It is a difficult calling, yes; but such a blessed one all the same.
3. Seize The Day
This sounds cheesy, and echos some of the notes of #1, but the third thing that the Lord has shown me is the value of enjoying each day to the very fullest. Tomorrow is not promised, and the last thing I want to do is waste today while waiting for it. This season for us has been so busy and we spend more time apart now than we did when we were first married. By God's grace I am set on making the most of each moment and not wishing it away because my heart really longs for "more" or "better". Each moment with our spouse is a precious gift, and there is no one I would rather share the mundane and magnificent with than my husband. I would encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed with their current situation to take a step back and make a vow to themselves to look for the good in each day, and enjoy it for what it is. Some of my favorite memories with Ian involve things like flat tires in the middle of a rain storm, our roof leaking or getting stuck in snow. They also involve nights with little to no sleep, but caring for our babe together. No matter where you find yourself today, married or unmarried, God has given you beautiful things to rejoice in all around. I know for myself I often need a reminder to focus and find them, but they are always there, as is God's unending love and grace for our sin.
XO, B
Loved this, thanks for sharing, and the encouragement!
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