The past few weeks, Ian worked more days in a row then he has since I can remember. Eleven out of thirteen days to be exact. The time goes by fast, but each time we have a new schedule that stretches us both, I find that the Lord uses this season to teach us new things about him and expose my sin in a way that I wouldn't have seen in day to day "normal" life.
This past series of intense work days, I saw how selfish my heart is with my husband. He is my greatest love and dearest friend, but his world doesnt revolve around me. Not around loving, helping, shepherding, providing for, or spending time with me. The Lord has planned out the good works each of our husbands will do throughout their lives. It is easy to see the good works they do in our own home, but we struggle to make the sacrifice of time, affection or assistance we so desperately love, so that our husbands can go fulfill their callings in everyday life. Sometimes that looks like working overtime, spending time with a friend even though it's been a crazy week, or resting - because God created us all to rest - but that stings a bit when it means missing out on something we want or need. Maybe this isn't a struggle for you, but it definitely is for me! I see my own needs and desires so largely, but often neglect to have a big picture perspective that truly loves another as more important than myself.
It's easy to look around our home and see our acts of service toward our spouse - having a clean and peaceful home, making meals, working, raising or teaching our kids, and handling things solo while our husbands go to work. However, true service looks like more than this. It looks like Proverbs 20:5 in drawing out our spouses heart and discerning what need best fits the moment. Life gets so busy, and it's easy to want to clock out when dad comes home. Don't get me wrong, it's vital to have a mental and physical break, but doing so at the expense of another isn't always the right thing, or the most necessary. Instead of resenting our husbands for coming home and wanting to decompress, let us be have hearts rich and ready with empathy and care. It's not a small burden to care for a home, raise children, serve others and do a million other things; but the weight of our own burden should never blind us to the load that others carry. It is a large task to be financially and spiritually responsible for the state of your home - to lead and protect a family in a world that constantly tries to tear apart God's covenant of marriage and family. The work we do in out homes and with our families, is of eternal value. I am encouraged by Paul's love for others in 2 Corinthians 12:15 when he says "I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls."
I have realized my heart of selfishness was rooted in a forgetfulness of the fact that "love is not insistent on its own way." Forgetting this truth makes us keenly aware of our own way and preferences rather than clinging tightly to the calling of self forgetfulness which enables us to practice the one another's with abandon rather than fear of losing what we want. It's amazing how letting go of what we so keenly feel we need frees us to enjoy all the benefits that living and practicing love has to offer. Obedience to scripture is the most freeing because we lose nothing but gain everything.
It is a leap of faith to surrender our pride to the foot the cross daily, and take up the cross of love and serve others according to their needs. I hope you don't come away from this as another "devote your time to everything but yourself and you will be holy" article. That is not practical, healthy or mandated by scripture. We are beings, made in Gods image; We need food, rest, physical contact, conversation, encouragement, love, and correction. No single facet of our calling as women, believers, friends, mothers, daughters, or wives should overtake another. It is good to rest and ask for help, but it is also good to put others first and serve them well according to their needs. All in all, it is a balancing act that requires wisdom in each situation. I love the promise in James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." What a relief that we don't have to figure it all out on our own, right? I have clung to that promise many nights of thinking over life and figuring out how to find a helpful balance, and the Lord has always kept his promise and given wisdom in the most amazing ways. Whether it be through a sermon, the Bible, a friend or otherwise, there is always help for us when we need it.
In marriage, and a thousand other situations we face, God's wisdom and word are there to light our path as a guide. This season of life for us has been really tough. It is wonderful because we are getting to build our home, and enjoy our sweet baby boy growing each day, but it has not been easy. Living with family is a huge change in dynamic and we still haven't found a good rhythm for "us." How do we spend time together and enjoy each other when each day goes by quicker than the last, and most conversations are checking off lists and barely catching up on our days. I know the only way out is through, but I fail daily and constantly. I am thankful for this time to learn new lessons, even when it feels as though a new one comes before I am even able to understand the first. In a book I am currently reading, the author shares that in motherhood, and in life are meant to leave our hands and hearts full. We are not meant to carry these burdens on our own, or depend on others for our help. The natural overwhelming state of life leads us to rely on the one who breathed life into us, knowing that relying on His every word is what will get us through the highs and lows to reach the promised end of eternal life and joy.
I hope you are encouraged and strengthened in the truth that you are not alone, and hope exists for women like you and me. Who sweat and struggle through the mess of sanctification, believing the promise that we are washed clean by Christ's blood and out faith will be made sight.
XO, B
In marriage, and a thousand other situations we face, God's wisdom and word are there to light our path as a guide. This season of life for us has been really tough. It is wonderful because we are getting to build our home, and enjoy our sweet baby boy growing each day, but it has not been easy. Living with family is a huge change in dynamic and we still haven't found a good rhythm for "us." How do we spend time together and enjoy each other when each day goes by quicker than the last, and most conversations are checking off lists and barely catching up on our days. I know the only way out is through, but I fail daily and constantly. I am thankful for this time to learn new lessons, even when it feels as though a new one comes before I am even able to understand the first. In a book I am currently reading, the author shares that in motherhood, and in life are meant to leave our hands and hearts full. We are not meant to carry these burdens on our own, or depend on others for our help. The natural overwhelming state of life leads us to rely on the one who breathed life into us, knowing that relying on His every word is what will get us through the highs and lows to reach the promised end of eternal life and joy.
I hope you are encouraged and strengthened in the truth that you are not alone, and hope exists for women like you and me. Who sweat and struggle through the mess of sanctification, believing the promise that we are washed clean by Christ's blood and out faith will be made sight.
XO, B
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