I am excited to start a new "series" on my blog called "What I'm Reading." I worked for a bookstore for several years, and have always enjoyed reading all kinds of literature from fiction to medical textbooks and journals. I frequently get asked for recommendations and wanted to share some here on my blog.
The first book I want to feature is one I read last year entitled What's It Like to be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions, written by author Linda Dillow. I try to read one book on the topic of marriage each year, and this was the one I selected for 2016. I see reading a book like this as taking time to 'tune up' my marriage, and learn from another woman who has had more life experience than I have. I find that even though some lessons aren't directly applicable in my current season on life, keeping them tucked away in the corners of my mind comes in handy when new circumstances roll around.
When Ian and I were engaged a friend recommended another title by Linda called Creative Counterpart. I read and enjoyed that book immensely, and appreciated the detail it gave on the unique role of a wife in marriage. At the time I was responsible for finding new material for the bookstore I worked at, so when this book came across my desk I ordered it without a second thought.
This book is not an easy read. I say that, not because it is full of long, complex sentences or hard to chew theological ideas but because it hits home in some of the most practical areas of life. These daily habits or way of thinking can be so hard to change because we often form and practice habits without much thought. Linda addresses these common pitfalls that cause things to drift apart in marriage by asking her readers seven 'dangerous questions', as she likes to refer to them. They are indeed dangerous because the answers are often uncomfortable and cause us to really examine our hearts at the core in light of biblical truth. The book includes a study guide at the end that is full of application questions and exercises - which I LOVE...I often am more inclined to buy books that include a study guide because I feel like it aids my reading tremendously.
The two most stretching and helpful projects Linda recommended were: first, to write out and think through what my husband would say about me at my funeral, This may sound morbid, but having an end of life perspective really is helpful to shrink what seem like insurmountable issues in the moment, and help us focus on what truly maters and to live a loving life that is consistent in kindness, graciousness and growth. What will I be remembered for? How will my husband remember my tone and words? My actions? Secondly she challenges women to wear a bracelet on one wrist and switch it to the other anytime they complain or gripe that day. The goal is to make it 21 cumulative days without switching the bracelet. She learned the from another pastor who said on average it took people EIGHT months to have 21 days total of not complaining - both verbally or to themselves in thoughts throughout the day. Let me tell you ladies, it is not easy, but it definitely was eye opening in raising my own awareness toward how prone to complaining I am. I texted this to a friend and she liked the idea and did it with me, but let me warn you, your contentment will be tested! Within the same week of starting the challenge, my friends water pipes burst the day before Christmas, and Ian and I got locked out during a torrential rainstorm, and while trying to open our door, could hear our roof leaking in Logan's room - just two days before we had scheduled to go on vacation. It is funny how these trials come up right when we want to be challenged, but looking at my bracelet helped me to purposefully have a whimsical attitude knowing this would not last forever. Linda reminds her readers that we can always make our complaints to the Lord and take them to him in prayer as Psalm 142:1-2 says "With my voice I cry out to the Lord; with my voice I plead for mercy to the Lord; I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him." This verse comes to mind often now as I am tempted to complain and I am thankful for Linda's challenge in training our minds and hearts toward gratitude.
Linda shares details in her book, but she had been faithful throughout her life to train her mind and heart to not complain during trials, but rather trust the Lord and speak words of life. She later took a bad fall and sustained a traumatic brain injury, and had to literally re program her brain not to complain - it became a huge challenge once again. She has been married for over 30 years and has so much wisdom and practical advice to share, I felt honored to read a book that carried so much of her heart on its pages. I wish I could sit down and have a warm cup of coffee with her, but I probably will not meet her this side of heaven. I commend this book to any married ladies, and hope you gain the encouragement that I did from it!
XO. B
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