Marriage, Motherhood, and Fear

Ian's at work; Logan is asleep; and I'm here feeling all the feelings after such a great week with these two. 

When I was pregnant, I was nervous about how my marriage would be post baby. I was seriously worried Ian would love the baby more than me, and scared our relationship wouldn't be as close. I'm so thankful that what came to be was WAY better than I could have expected. My relationship with Ian has grown new roots because of learning to parent together, and all that comes with that, while the roots we had planted already have gone deeper than if this season had not come to be. I remember him holding my hair back during countless rounds of morning sickness; coming to every doctor appointment possible; holding Logan skin to skin for the first hours of his life while I was unconscious and being stitched up from my c-section. Him helping me walk for the first time after having Logan, and laying flat for 24 hours; staying up with a very gassy, fussy newborn; and now laughing together as we see Logan start to sing and dance; watching him stand - exploring new things and talents.  On the other side is us trying to support Ian during busy shifts and overtime. It's hard having a husband who works long hours, but it's worth it. I would gladly take ten minutes a day with Ian than a lifetime without him. For several months Ian worked four days in a row with three day weekends. It sounds luxurious, but it was tough for both of us. Weekdays of work filled with overtime and over-tiredness, while weekends were usually packed with church/family/friends, leaving less time for us to "do us". 

Now that we are back to our preferred schedule, I am thankful that the Lord has given us these ups and downs to make us rely on Him and teach us flexibility. I loved our "just us" season of marriage, and thought we would have to sacrifice part of that when a baby came along. This new season as a family of three has taught us to be flexible, which has made us stronger than an unlimited honeymoon phase could have brought about. I am continually reminded of the fact that times which stretch, test and twist us bring about the greatest growth and reward. As much as I would love to, I can not gain full sanctification by reading books and watching others. It comes through walking and living. Even though I long for a stable season of rest, each day scripture reminds me "press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Being on the flip side of  these fears has encouraged my heart to rest and wait for the Lord to bring each season to its full end, rather than be consumed with fear or worry 

We must take our fears, reservations and comfort zones, and surrender them to the Lord who weaves the tapestry of our lives together seamlessly and with infinite knowledge.  To my friends who are tired of being stretched thin by a job; to my friends who are burnt out of waiting to be married; to  my mom friends who are low on sleep and patience. God has grace for you. abundant grace. He is stretching and molding you. Instead of focusing on where you are being stretched thin, look to the one who has an endless supply of grace for your weakest moments, and gives freely to supply all our weaknesses.

I am constantly encouraged by the truth of James 1:5 "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." Cry out to God and he will give you abundantly the wisdom needed to navigate each and every season, no matter how trying it may be.

XO.B