Preparing Your Toddler To Be A Sibling

Change. We all have different feelings about the subject, but I think one thing is for sure - change is more enjoyable when you are properly prepared for new territory.  Obviously we can't fully know all the details of what will happen until we traverse new waters ourselves, but some forethought and practical preparation can give a sense of ease and confidence when we are walking through previously unknown territory. I did a lot of thinking about this when we found out we were expecting our second baby. I had heard countless stories of how bringing a new sibling into the family really was hard on the older sibling, and I wanted to try my very best to make things as easy as possible. Three months in, and I can honestly say this transition has been so wonderful, and I am really thankful for how smooth everything has gone.

Grace Upon Grace: Lessons Learned in 2017

Happy 2018 loves!
I don't know about you, but I am huge on taking time to reflect on the past year, as well as setting goals and resolutions for the coming year. There is something so refreshing about seeing God's grace and kindness in the victories and movement over a calendar year, while being sobered at the reality that the next year requires determination, reliance and purpose in order to be fruitful.

Back in 2011, I started taking time on New Years Day to write out my recap from the previous year, and lay out my goals and desires for the year ahead. Its been a short and concise way to keep track of all the milestones that have happened as time moves forward.

Looking back at  2017, I don't know how to sum it up other than the cliche saying that it was "one for the books." In April we bought our first home, and much of our year revolved around that new reality. We moved in with Ian's parents for 8 months, found out we were expecting our second baby, and completed some huge projects and renovations on our house. Although all these things are wonderful, it was not without hardship and a major learning curve. For all our marriage, Ian has worked long shifts, but to balance that, he gets good chunks of time off. When we bought the house, all of Ian's days off went to working on the house. We were stretched to live without the privacy of our own home, and find ways to communicate and grow in love even while living with less time, less sleep, and less energy.

To say it plainly, the first few weeks of living like this were marked by lots of tears, fatigue and confusion. At times, it felt like Ian and I couldn't get on the same page, and we would come together at the end of the day with our wells of energy and emotion completely empty. One Sunday on the way home from church, we set out to talk through how to make this season work. I remember it so vividly, but after sharing what challenges, frustrations and hurts we were having with this new transition, and feeling like things would just be this way until we were back in our own space, Ian turned to me in the car and said so simply "I think we just need to show each other more grace." What a simple, yet wholly true statement.

 Up until this point in our relationship when one of us would be working 110%, the other could come alongside and help. But what happens when you both start giving 110 percent? In weakness and exhaustion we had to learn to give when we had nothing left of our own to give. To show kindness, and offer help by God's grace alone. I definitely do not do this perfectly, but I am learning not to be an expectant wife. To hold my plans, feelings and even energy level with an open hand, believing that God will give me strength to live in kindness, wisdom and love, even if my immediate need is not met the way I think it should be.

It would have been so easy to look at the situation at hand and say "this is just going to be hard, but things will get better when we are through this season." Although some things have gotten easier since moving into our house, I really caution anyone against taking this perspective. Life and circumstances will always be changing, and neglecting to take a situation head on can lead to even more struggles later on. Dear friend, do not turn a blind eye to hard lessons waiting for you in your current situation, but instead seek to learn everything you can from them. I preached Galatians 6:9 to myself so often in this season. I love the reminder that says "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." 

Taking this perspective helped us SO much, and something I didn't expect happened. Not only did we get on the same page, but Ian and I grew closer and our relationship thrived in ways it hadn't before. By Gods grace this new pressure grew us leaps and bounds in our communication. We had conversations that helped us forge a more clear vision for our growing family, and set down desires for what we want and need to teach our children as they grow, both in word and deed. I know life with two little ones while working on a house will be a blur, and kind of crazy, but I really feel a sense of peace moving into these new challenges. Not because I have "arrived" or I know how every day ahead will go, but because I have seen God's faithfulness so tangibly these past few months. I am so comforted by the truth of his promises, and how he has fulfilled them to Ian and I. We have found a refuge in hard times, and hr has been faithful to grow us through each new stage that has come.

So looking ahead to 2018, I am eager to continue to learn to live a life that pours out grace and kindness to my family and all those around. Obviously my most prominent goal is to bring this baby girl earthside, and adjust to life life as a mom of two, and as a family of four. I also have set some fun goals for myself like landscaping our backyard and dabbling into beekeeping! I would love to hear your goals and hopes for 2018 - because after all, we are all in this together. No matter what happens in these next 365 days, I hope we can all remember that there is grace upon grace available to us for every moment. And that alone is a reason to say Happy New Year!

xo, B

Little Jobs For Little People

From the time Logan started crawling, many people offered the anecdotal advice that "once he starts walking, everything gets crazy." I love when friends or strangers share tidbits about parenting from their own life. This comment came up SO much, and if I am being honest, made me sad. I was so excited for Logan to walk! I am thankful for a son who has the option to walk, and who, Lord willing, will use his legs to walk many fun, necessary, and remarkable places throughout his lifetime.

What I'm Reading Wednesday: Resolving Everyday Conflift

"Unforgiveness is the poison we drink hoping others will die."
I posted this quote a few weeks ago and got so many questions asking where it was from that I decided to do a book review for this little gem I recently finished reading.

Lessons I've Learned | My Second Year of Marriage

Just over a year ago I was writing a very similar anniversary post as this one. I went to reread my post from last year and can already see how this past year of marriage was so very different from our first. 

Our last anniversary was sprung on us, and it felt like we had just gotten married. This year it feels as though so much has happened, it seems odd that it's only been a year since our last celebration. I love taking some time to think back over each year of marriage with the goal of continuing to practice the things we learned together, as well as have a purposeful heart toward our upcoming year and beyond. Oh, and I will never turn down an excuse to look at our wedding photos again ;). If you are in need of a wedding photographer, hiring Emily was our favorite decision we made in planning our wedding and we could not recommend her more highly.

Reminded To Grow

"I want to grow in _____." 

Over the course of my Christian life I have had so many thoughts and plans to grow in various attributes / aspects. When I came to know the Lord, I was eager to grow in my knowledge of Him and scripture. When I was engaged, I wanted to grow into a loving and godly wife. While pregnant, I studied and prayed to be a mother that was wise and dependent on the Lord. 

Growth comes easy when we plan and prepare for it. We set aside time to read and pray; sharing our struggles with our friends. In obedience to the Lord we find victory over sin and great encouragement in laying aside weights and sin and pursuing God's will for us in obedience to His word in our lives. 

But what happens when we have conquered something that seemed like a huge struggle at the time? When our instinctive reaction (by grace alone!) has changed from one of sin to one of patience and love? Well, upon examining my life, after I am out of the heat of the battle what happens is - habit. This is a good thing, but I have seen how it can be dangerous. I settled into marriage, prioritizing communication that is helpful for Ian and I to understand each other best, and we flow along in harmony. Or looking at my  journey into motherhood - in the early weeks of having a newborn, I was so (like soooo) sleep deprived, but by Gods grace, determined to fight for reliance on Him. But now, I have a baby who sleeps 12 hours and naps well, so it all seems a little less intense.

Planning for new seasons and anticipating how we need to grow is a great virtue. We can all agree it is foolish to not "count the cost" of the seasons we know are coming.  What I wrestle with most is opportunities to grow that blindside me - AKA things don't go as I planned; I get my feelings hurt; the day ends and I haven't accomplished nearly what I needed to. Often what creeps into my heart and habits during seasons of "routine" and things going as expected is forgetfulness. I am forgetful to pray prayers of need and reliance when what I "need" is right in front of me. Forgetful to run the race with endurance.

So, last night when I got home with Logan after a really long day that included a 5 a.m. wake up call, Ian starting work on a different schedule, trying to pack for an out of town trip, and Logan didn't settle into dreamland until an hour and a half after we got home - feelings of despair welled up within me. I thought to myself "I don't even know how I am going to make it through our trip these next few days!" Thankfully the Lord does not leave us in despair, and so as I prayed for strength (and lets be real, I prayed for sleep too!), He reminded me of a prayer I prayed nightly several months ago. When Logan was first born, I would get into bed and immediately calculate how many hours of sleep I had already, and how many were likely to come before the day started. Well, guess what?  It was super depressing, especially when the numbers added up to something I could count on hand. So I prayed to change my focus instead. When I would hold my precious boy after our nighttime feedings, I would use that time to pray for his salvation and future, rather than just thinking about how tired we both were. Then, when I would make my way into bed, I would thank the Lord for the very undeserved blessings he had poured out on me already, and thank Him that He would provide the exact amount of sleep - to the second - that I needed to work heartily unto Him the following day, and to care for my family. This change in perspective worked on my heart to bring me from a place of wanting to control and organize my life to a place I thought it should be, to entrusting it to my faithful and ever-kind God. I actually was kind of sad when that season passed. I say "kind of sad" because I do enjoy being well rested ;). 

This attitude of reliance was easier to cling to when I felt my world had been turned upside down. But oh, how my feeble mind has forgotten to DAILY entrust my life, no matter the circumstances, to my God who is faithful to supply every need (Philippians 4;19). I need to remind myself to pursue growth, even when circumstances surprise me and all I want to do is "fix".  I hope to pray more prayers that echo Christ's prayer of "not my will be done, but your will!" Rather than "Dear God, please fix this for me so I can do x, y and z."

I hope you are having a Happy Monday! 

XO, B

Focus For a New Year

Happy 2017 friends! I hope you had a wonderful year and enjoyed a cozy holiday season with friends and family :). Even though it is already January 3rd, I wanted to share some goals for this year, that I hope encourage us all to "grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ" together.

I am a HUGE New Years Resolution person. The first new year after I came to know the Lord, I started writing a "yearly review" for myself. I wrote on two sides of a 5"x 7" card stock notecard. First I would write a "looking back" section, noting all the things I had been able to partake in and accomplish. On the other side I would do a "looking forward" section. I would make a small list of practical things I hope to accomplish, a theme verse for that year, and spiritual goals- areas I see lacking and want to pursue as I run the race of Christ. 

I have always toyed with the idea of having a word for the year, but it never seemed to gel for me, so I opted for a verse instead. This December as I anticipated doing my yearly review, I knew I wanted to have a word this year. Something to streamline my focus that would apply to all areas of my life. No sooner did this cross my mind, than I knew what word it would have to be. My heart sunk a little bit because this word is something that doesn't come easy to me, and I know it will push me outside of my comfort zone. The memory\that led me to choose this word, is from a little something that happened this fall when I was reading the forethought to the book Spiritual Maturity by J. Oswald Sanders.

  

I cracked open the spine, and saw an impressive list of chapters, each of their headings were character traits and lessons I longed and needed to learn. I read the first paragraph of the forethought (written by the books editors), and that's when I read something I did not like. It stated " This is not a  "how-to" volume but a "be" volume." I was immediately disappointed and deflated. I literally thought to myself  "But I just want to know what to do!"  My type-a personality thrives on to-do lists and "10 ways to be more godly." But it is a whole different struggle for me to be what I do. I often get so wrapped up in what I'm doing I fail to let these things pierce my heart.  

When I pondered having a word for the year, this memory immediately flooded into my thoughts, and I knew the Lord was leading me to pursue the word BE. To be an obedient daughter, loving wife, kind mother, and faithful friend. To spend less time focusing on what I need to do to feel satisfied with each box in my life, but to pursue the heart God wants me to have that overflows with doing the right things. 1 Samuel 15:22 is such a powerful reminder in that it says"“Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." I want to obey from a heart of obedience and love for  my Savior, rather than just making a list and checking off each task that is completed. 

I pray this year I will be present not just occupy space; be loving not just give hugs and kisses; be kind, not just say words so they sound nice; by soft, not just knowing when not to say anything; be gracious not just keeping my sinful thoughts to myself. Ultimately I pray I can seek God's help to answer the question "What does the Lord call me to be in this moment?"rightly, and be content with that. This is not to say I don't want to do good works, but I know my heart behind them needs to trace back to what the Lord has called me to do and to be. The Lord gives grace when we ask and I am confident He will answer every earnest pray we make for growth this coming year.

Do you have any New Years Resolutions or goals?

XO, B