Change. We all have different feelings about the subject, but I think one thing is for sure - change is more enjoyable when you are properly prepared for new territory. Obviously we can't fully know all the details of what will happen until we traverse new waters ourselves, but some forethought and practical preparation can give a sense of ease and confidence when we are walking through previously unknown territory. I did a lot of thinking about this when we found out we were expecting our second baby. I had heard countless stories of how bringing a new sibling into the family really was hard on the older sibling, and I wanted to try my very best to make things as easy as possible. Three months in, and I can honestly say this transition has been so wonderful, and I am really thankful for how smooth everything has gone.
Every child has his or her own personality, and there really isn't anything we can do to change who someone fundamentally is; However, I do believe you can greatly aid and guide your children in small ways to make the overall experience a bit easier. For reference, Logan was 12 months old when I found out we were expecting, and had just turned 20 months old when Josie was born.
The great thing about having a baby is you have about 9 months to prepare for them! I wanted to make the best use of this time and work with Logan to put him in a position that would only make it easier for him to adjust to his new role, not have him feel like his entire world had turned upside down overnight. I gave a lot of thought to what my day would look like with a newborn again, and compiled a list of things I wanted to work on with him in light of what was coming. I hope that sharing the things I did will help this transition be easier for you, too!
I. Fostering Independence
Almost overnight, when I found out I was pregnant and was hit with the paralyzing nausea and tiredness, I became aware of just how many little things I had to do for him all day long. I wanted to encourage and equip him to be independent - not so that I no longer had to be his mom, or do small things alongside him, but mainly to aid in his inevitable growing up. I was able to give him my full attention now. I didn't want to be teaching and training him with the distraction of a new baby. I think this was helpful because in this time I really learned a lot: how he learns, what methods of teaching work best for him, and how to be a better teacher myself! Making the most of this time saved us from him just having to figure things out in a moment of crisis - which most children don't handle particularly well. The things I did to encourage his independence were:
i. Feeding Himself
Right away, we started practicing using forks and spoons at meals, and I no longer fed him at meal times. If there was a food like soup that he couldn't quite master, I would put it in a cup so he could drink it on his own. He loved feeding himself, and we both enjoyed mealtimes more because we could eat together and have little conversation about things in the room, or the food. Because I started this so early, just a few months later he was a seasoned pro at feeding himself, and neither of us really remember a time where he didn't know how to use his for and spoon. He has gotten so good that he actually uses adult utensils not as well - an added bonus!
ii. Sleeping in a Twin Bed
I had heard that when siblings see a baby in their old crib, it can create some jealousy or strife over the fact that someone else is in "their bed." We only have one crib, and had no intention of buying another one, so I knew my only option was to have Logan start sleeping in a big bed. To be honest, this was the thing I absolutely dreaded the most, although finding the perfect vintage bed of my dreams did make it just a tad bit more exciting. We went straight to a twin bed because Logan is long and saved us from spending more money on a special toddler bed and mattress. I introduced it at nap time when Logan was 17 months old. I made sure he had his own pillows and some soft sheets. Guys, he loved it! Because he couldn't climb out of his crib yet I think it made the idea of staying in bed much easier. Our rules are that he can't get out of bed until we give him permission. It took a few nights of training in the beginning, but he has done so excellently with this. Five months later and I think it really didn't phase him when Josie began sleeping in the crib. I also saw his nap time and nighttime sleep improve significantly. He started sleeping in later, and will take much longer naps now. My theory is to start well before they know they can get out of bed, and you won't be fighting an uphill battle.
iii. Walking in Parking Lots
This was something that I would have done regardless of being pregnant, but I would purposefully have him walk rather than holding him. We really practiced for him to be able to the car holding my hand, and to stay close by while we were in a store. It really helped make running errands easier, especially when my belly got bigger.
II. Practice Makes Perfect
So many of my friends gave birth while I was expecting Josie, so we were able to spend a lot of time around very little babies. Thankfully Logan loved his new little friends, but it was helpful to practice gentle touches, not grabbing the babies when you want to hold them, and knowing that I still loved him even if I wasn't holding him. I really recommend spending time with friends babies if your expecting your own little one. Familiarity makes things much easier as time goes on.
III. Quiet Time
Lastly, I started to work on quiet time with Logan. I used this Gathre mat (although a blanket would work just as well!) and gave him a few toys to play with. He had to stay on the mat for the duration of quiet time. I started with 15 minutes, but quickly moved up to an hour. I wanted to be able to give him the ability to sit quietly while was occupied with something else. At times I would clean, fold laundry or organize things - and others I used the time to read, nap or listen to a podcast. The first few times were difficult and took a lot of reminders to stay on the mat, but after he adjusted, we have both benefited from it so much. Now that Josie is here, I usually have Logan do quiet time once a day while I nurse Josephine. I really encourage all moms to do something like this. Not only has it helped him develop a good sense of independent play, but he has also learned so much more in his play. He can now assemble wooden train tracks on his own, make his block tower, and other small things. Lastly, it has helped him sit still in church and events - when we go to sit through the service I tell him we are going to do quiet time, and he has done so well! I will usually bring his Bible and a few quiet toys. He is still his insatiably curious self, always finding someone to charm, but I am proud of the progress he has made.
What things did you do during your second pregnancy to help your toddler adjust to the impending change of having a sibling?
XO, B
iii. Walking in Parking Lots
This was something that I would have done regardless of being pregnant, but I would purposefully have him walk rather than holding him. We really practiced for him to be able to the car holding my hand, and to stay close by while we were in a store. It really helped make running errands easier, especially when my belly got bigger.
II. Practice Makes Perfect
So many of my friends gave birth while I was expecting Josie, so we were able to spend a lot of time around very little babies. Thankfully Logan loved his new little friends, but it was helpful to practice gentle touches, not grabbing the babies when you want to hold them, and knowing that I still loved him even if I wasn't holding him. I really recommend spending time with friends babies if your expecting your own little one. Familiarity makes things much easier as time goes on.
III. Quiet Time
Lastly, I started to work on quiet time with Logan. I used this Gathre mat (although a blanket would work just as well!) and gave him a few toys to play with. He had to stay on the mat for the duration of quiet time. I started with 15 minutes, but quickly moved up to an hour. I wanted to be able to give him the ability to sit quietly while was occupied with something else. At times I would clean, fold laundry or organize things - and others I used the time to read, nap or listen to a podcast. The first few times were difficult and took a lot of reminders to stay on the mat, but after he adjusted, we have both benefited from it so much. Now that Josie is here, I usually have Logan do quiet time once a day while I nurse Josephine. I really encourage all moms to do something like this. Not only has it helped him develop a good sense of independent play, but he has also learned so much more in his play. He can now assemble wooden train tracks on his own, make his block tower, and other small things. Lastly, it has helped him sit still in church and events - when we go to sit through the service I tell him we are going to do quiet time, and he has done so well! I will usually bring his Bible and a few quiet toys. He is still his insatiably curious self, always finding someone to charm, but I am proud of the progress he has made.
What things did you do during your second pregnancy to help your toddler adjust to the impending change of having a sibling?
XO, B
Post a Comment